After merry celebrations of Estonian 88th independence dayI feel a bit nostalgic and decided to write down some thoughts. This weekend has been really up and down. I've felt happy and sad at the same time, being homesick and glad to be here, missing old friends and enjoying the company of the new ones. Mostly, I blame beautiful estonian songs for all this. :)"It is easier to fly over the sea, than find yourself..." sang a wonderful soprano voice at the aula of the Göteborg's University on saturday afternoon. Gathering ended with our national song. Somehow it has never sounded so well and I never felt so good singing it before when I lived in Estonia. I guess often you understand the value of some things only after being apart from them. One thing I really admire at estonians is the ability to stick together. Being part of the Göteborg's Estonian community has really made my staying here much easier. Especially since some international friends have already left or are going to leave Sweden. This is the not-so-pleasent part of staying in Sweden for longer time. Hope I manage to keep contact with all "you guys" who have made my being here so much fun.
Ok, back to independence day again. Saturday aftrenoon was followed by nice dinner with song and dance at Chalmers restaurant. Made some new estonian acquaintances and danced Tuljak after 1.5 years break. :) Also found out some interesting facts about previous independence days. For example, it is possible to get ice-cream in blue-black-white, but it is much harder to have fireworks with black colour. :) Later experienced that when the band starts to play music for old people, it is possible to make dancing fun by trying to imitate figure skaters.
Although everything I've just written might sound a bit homesick, I'm glad to be where I am. Much closer to finding myself. Much closer to knowing what I want from life and what I can do to achieve that. My understanding about close and far distances has changed tremendously. So is understanding about people from different cultures. It is not about being just estonian anymore. It's about being just a small person in a big, and yet so small, world. A person who has roots but who doesn't depend on country borders. It doesn't matter from which country my friends come from. I can be apart from my friends and family but still feel close to them. I don't need to be in Estonia to feel home. I don't need to be in Estonia to feel estonian. I'm free to go to Estonia whenever I want and I will always feel home there. And I like this freedom.
Shortest way to find yourself is to go around the world. ;)
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